Come up and see me sometime
I make inappropriate jokes like it's my job.
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I came into work all bummed about life choices and relationships and all these other intrapersonal issues that have welled up in the past 12 hours, but as I passed the front desk all my favorite employees yelled at me, in a sort of South Atlanta Greek Chorus way, to wake up.
They thought I was hungover, so they gave me a grilled hot dog for breakfast.
We are a weird little family.
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- Todd: How do you do all of this? You're like my hero. When do you sleep?
- Me: I don't.
- Todd: You do a lot of drugs?
- Me: Mostly meth.
- Todd: Makes sense.
- Me: My teeth are too nice to do meth.
- Todd: Lemme see 'em.
- Me: (bares teeth) Wait, they might be kind of yellow, sorry.
- Todd: Yeah, they're super yellow. Almost orange. Oh, that's your gum.
- Me: Actually, it's one of my teeth. It just fell out from doing all the meth and I was embarrassed so I just started chewing it to play it cool.
- Todd: That's one way to do it. Does it have a good flavor?
- Me: It's like every flavor I've ever experienced all at once.
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Photoset reblogged from I'm a broken record I have bubblegum in my brain
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I’ve been called a lot of pet names, but my least favorite so far is “Mama.”
In case you were wondering, before today, my least favorite was when a guy insisted on calling me “shawty.”
Mama. Mama. MAMA. Like, I don’t even get how that’s supposed to make me feel good.
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I don’t think I’ve had a friend that long [10 years]. The oldest one I have is probably from like 6, 7 years ago. The rest of them just kind of rotate in and out through the years.Beard just GETS me
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I just had two different people ask me what my name was, then get huffy when I didn’t give my full name at first.
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Get a job with a small business. Not only will the dress code be more lax (very helpful in the summer in Georgia), but they’ll also shut down early on July 3rd, effectively giving you 2 paid holidays in the middle of the week.
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Photo reblogged from (armed with a small butterfly net)
“I bought 7 vintage books earlier and now I can’t decide which one to read. UGH”
This is Bryon imitating someone we kind of know and making me snort-laugh and clap. I can think of about three of you who will appreciate this.What a delightful person (s)/he must be
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- Me: How did I get tire dirt on the back of my arm?
- A: I don't know, but it's on your cheek, too.
- Me: What? No!
- A: Yeah, with you in that skirt, you look like Tow Truck Barbie.
